Not everyone wants to work while seriously ill. For Pagan, it might have been the very reason she survived.
It was mid-2020 when Pagan realised something wasn’t right. A few menstrual irregularities and digestion problems prompted her to see her GP, who gave her Panadol and sent her on her way. A month later, things were feeling far from normal, but Pagan’s doctors didn’t seem to think there was anything to worry about.
Pagan started to think maybe her discomfort was all in her head, so she tried to focus on other things to keep herself busy. Pagan decided to concentrate on her work and hope that her pain would go away on its own. “I put a lot of energy and time into my job,” she said.
Her strategy seemed to mostly be working. Although Pagan was in pain, she had seen three doctors about her symptoms over about four months. None of whom could find anything particularly wrong with her.
That all changed when Pagan could finally get an appointment with her local (normally fully booked) gynaecologist. Only a few minutes in, the gynaecologist whispered, “Oh, fuck.” Looking up at Pagan, she said, “I’m so sorry dear, you’ve definitely got cancer.”
Pagan was in disbelief: “I just thought, ‘it can’t be.’ It didn’t seem real.” Because Pagan’s condition was missed by three doctors, the cancer had progressed significantly. When found, the tumour weighed an estimated nine kilograms. Despite the late diagnosis, there was hope for Pagan to make a full recovery.
Things began to move quickly as Pagan underwent CT and PET scans and met with oncology and chemo teams, among other specialists. “It was so much to take in,” Pagan reflected. Nearly eight months after her first symptoms appeared, Pagan’s treatment began.
The next six weeks involved chemo and a course of internal radiation. But despite being in a huge amount of pain, Pagan didn’t want to stop working. Once her treatment plan was laid out, Pagan told her managers that she was battling cancer. At first, they insisted that she take time off, “They were like, ‘you’re not working!’” Pagan recalls, “but I was like, ‘please don’t take this away from me.’ If I didn’t have work, I think I’d be getting up to nothing, and I don’t think I would have had the same positive attitude ... I honestly think I would have been in a state of depression because I’ve always had work to keep me going really.”
Not everyone would be keen to work while battling cancer, but for Pagan, it was a key factor in her determination to get better. “For me, work distracted me … I could control work, but this I couldn’t control, because it was the unknown,” Pagan commented. “I didn’t know if [the treatment] was going to work… Everything was all unknown and I hate that, just not knowing. Work was like, I can control this because it’s just work. I think for me that was a huge part of me beating it really.”
To keep up with her job, Pagan was able to work from home with a reduced workload. Dealing with as many emails as she could in the mornings, Pagan would then head to the hospital for treatment. Depending on how she felt that day, she might do a few more hours online when back at home. “Whenever I needed support, the team were there.” Pagan added. “So if I couldn’t action something, it would just be forwarded to the team, and they would help out.”
Despite her determination, Pagan hit a breaking point three weeks into her treatment. Struggling with the pain, she nearly called off the remainder of her chemo and radiation therapy. “I was at a stage where I was like, ‘I just don’t want to do this anymore. … My body’s tired; I’m sore.’” Although she had put on a brave face for her family and friends, Pagan’s emotions started to break the surface. “Up until that point, I hadn’t really expressed, got angry or cried or anything, even when I was diagnosed. I kind of needed that.”
Looking back, Pagan’s advice for those going through a similar experience is to find someone who has your back. “I highly recommend getting even one support person,” she says. “Whether that’s a friend, a stranger, a work colleague … just someone, because you need to get out what you’re holding in. Otherwise, you’re just going to explode. I was lucky to have my family with me through my journey. My partner was there with me 24/7 through the good and the bad days. I can’t thank them enough.”
Today, Pagan is completely cancer-free. Despite not wanting people to know about her diagnosis initially, Pagan now finds strength in talking about her journey. “I’ve shared my story with quite a few people,” she says, “Especially the ladies - reminding them, ‘you know your body. [It] will actually tell you when something’s not right.’”
If you or someone you know is dealing with cancer, you are not alone. If you’re working, remember that you are entitled to sick leave and should use it towards your recovery. The Cancer Society offers counselling, one-on-one support and transport services - don’t be afraid to reach out for help.
This story was originally written as a LinkedIn article and is reposted with permission.